Wednesday, 31 August 2011

Spring 990 - The Plain of Unfounded Hopes

My Dearest Cedders,

It is with heavy heart and heavier belly that I must tell you the tragic news. I shall seek to join you in Treyine as soon as I can, for I have no Queendom at the moment. Do not worry though. Together we shall take back my inheritance and you shall rule at my side in Hykar. It's that Legbiter ratbag's fault, you know. She took half our army off to the south, leaving the Hykari vulnerable. I'll scratch her eyes out for that when I get my hands on her.

The Mirish army turned up in force with heffalumps and ogres and large numbers of heavy cavalry as well as infantry. We were totally outnumbered but we were dashed well going to do what we could to see them off.

As they advanced on us we took off on our ponies to ride rings round them. I sent a bunch of the girls off on to their flank and that caused some confusion while the rest of us set off to do our own bit.

They did not know what to do and were trying to send their foot troops all over the place. It's uncivilised, you know, all this running around on foot. Not for proper people. Their light cavalry was a bit rubbish too. We saw that off quickly enough.

Then came the crunch as my own bodyguard was charged by some cataphracts. We withstood the charge and gave better than we got, but could make them push off before their general joined the fray. My girls came to the rescue but were not up to the task of seeing off these oiks.

So, it was up to me to get rid of the blackguards. I think the sight of my fat ankles put them off and I soon sent them packing. Some of the girls were down but we had done more damage to them than they did to us. It was all looking so hopefully.

At that point it all went wrong. Their general charged into the flank of my bodyguard. I got a cramp in my belly and my pony bolted with the rest of the girls flying behind me. I swear I am going to eat this pony. It keeps bolting in the wrong direction at the wrong time.

That just left some of the girls on the field. I'm told they did what they could.

Jemima Neckslasher joined me after the battle. She was very full of herself. Turns out that she and some of her friends had drawn the enemy general on into their bows and turned his unit into Tropiliam cheese. He was last seen clinging to the saddle of a bolting horse as the rest of his bodyguard were fleeing as fast as they could for Mirish.

It's a shame it was too little too late. Had he fallen sooner I think we could have won, but that Mirish armour is really good stuff. With their arrows exhausted the girls could do no more than head for home, although they had certainly accounted for more of the enemy than we had lost. I am so proud of them.

So, Cedders, I have no home no and that Legbiter witch rules in the remains of Hykar. Had she not led a rebellion against me I feel sure that we would have prevailed in this battle. I hope you will forgive me that I have no more ponies to give you at the moment. Instead I must throw myself upon your mercy and ask you to take me in, a supplicant at your yurt. Please, Cedders, be kind when you see me. I know that I have not lived up to all that I should and have lost too much of Hykar, but I can still be queen again if you will help me.

Ever and always yours,
Barbax Gutripper

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